Thursday, July 17, 2008

330th Post - One Day To Go!

Just one day to go until vacation commences. Two weeks off. Sigh!

I'll be busy on Saturday. I'll be driving down to the valley for part of the day to visit my folks. My dad was hinting about getting one of those outdoor security lights that I picked up at a yardsale a couple of weeks ago for a song. Had I kept my mouth shut I could have kept them both. But I really only need one, I guess.

I will be out of town for two weeks after that. The BOY will be so pleased, plotting a way to break into my house again. He is such a charming lad you know. Real son of the year material.

A guy at work was telling me how he is a big brother to a young man. I have been giving it some thought myself. But if it involves vacuuming my house first, or washing my dishes, or picking up my dirty socks off the floor, then it is probably more trouble than it is worth. Never mind.

Went to Costco tonight after work. Patricia had a list of things for me to take to the cottage. I bought some triple berry jam and organic cereal and vanilla-flavoured soy milk.

I no longer drink actual milk. I am a soy boy. I learned the truth about eggs last year when Patricia accidentally told me where they come from. Chickens don't have... well, a birth canal. Let's leave it at that, shall we? I feel sorry for the roosters, let me tell you that. But in the course of my subsequent research on eggs, I discovered the sordid truth about milk, too.

Why did it ever occur to someone, hundreds of years ago or whatever it was, to drink milk, or eat eggs? "Here, Parsanova! See what just came out of that chicken's... sort of birth canal? I don't think it has been fertilized by a rooster. Why don't we remove the chicken embryo from the shell, cook it, and eat it? I am confident it will be a real taste treat! We can share them with Caesar tomorrow! I hear they are very good scrambled! We can even crush some tomatoes into a slow running liquid, add lots of sugar and salt, and pour some of that on the eggs. Is there no end to my good ideas?"

"And, look here! The milk that the cow uses to feed her offspring? I wonder what it would be like if we pulled on the udders and squirted some into a bucket and drank it? Wouldn't that be tasty, too, Parsanova?"

Is there such a thing as soy cheese? I still have the craving.

A guy at work was telling me about an ex-roommate of his who once got his... privates caught in the zipper of his pants. I am a strong man and all, but that story nearly did me in. Ladies, if your man ever tells you about such an experience, change the subject very quickly. Do something to take his mind off that horrid subject. Whatever it is you have to do, do it. Cookies, muffins, tea, coffee. Whatever. Just do it.

Is it 4:30 on Friday yet?


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