I know all 4.7 of you were worried about me today, what with taking my mother shopping this morning and into the afternoon. Fear not, effendi! I'm still here to talk about it. More importantly, I'm here to blog about it.
Mom got enough groceries today to feed Napoleon's army as it descended on Russia. Should last her a couple weeks. Finding fridge and freezer space was an adventure. It was like playing tetrus using victuals. The freezer is so full that an errant blueberry would find no shelter therein. The fridge is so full it is consulting with its union in a vain attempt to lodge an occupational health and safety complaint. You get the idea.
I lay down around 4pm to rest my body and to have my arms reinserted in their sockets. I flipped on the 10 dollar tv I keep in my old bedroom and landed on TLC. Back in the day, this was The Learning Channel. Now, every time I tune to that channel, my IQ drops precipitously.
I lay there, horrified, transfixed, focusing with laser intensity and precision on the grim tableau that unfolded before me. They were running a marathon of a show called "Extreme Cheapskates". It's about folks who are so mean, so stingy, so niggardly, that they gleefully agree to appear on television and brag about it. One guy takes his wife out to dinner and then takes other people's leftovers home to make additional meals for himself.
A woman urinates in a jar and tries to talk her boyfriend into doing the same. The pee is poured on weeds in her garden, killing them. She doesn't shower at home, preferring to do so at the gym she's a member of. When she perceives her boyfriend has been in the shower for too long, she goes to the main control for the water and turns it off. She also forages for greens in the woods and uses them to make salads.
A couple save money in any way they possibly can. No frugality is so insignificant such that it will not be considered. They don't purchase toilet paper. They cut out pieces of absorbent cloth and use those squares for that important purpose. When the bucket holding the shitty cloths gets full they just thoroughly wash the contents and start over. I hope they use bleach. They have a daughter. God knows what she uses when she has her menses.
A man and wife are so cheap that they managed to retire in their 40's and enjoy a life of frugal leisure. He rides his bicycle everywhere. He searches for loose change in the ground by phone booths and in the seats of restaurants, exulting if he finds 17 cents. Using what money he is able to locate in this manner, he purchases whatever food he can, up to and including things like goat's heads and salmon carcasses. He prepares these meals with great enthusiasm, seasoning and marinading them with whatever he can salvage in their kitchen that won't kill them.
I watched 2 hours of this program. I find myself wanting to watch more and feel embarrassed and nearly ashamed of myself for wanting to do so.
This evening I watched W5, which was all about the allegations of unspeakable abuse that may have transpired at the Nova Scotia Home for Coloured Children over the course of many decades. These are very serious and disturbing allegations. I hope that justice is served and soon.
I sit in the spare bedroom at my mother's. She sleeps in her favourite chair in the living room after having watched "2.5 Men". She loves that show. The ribald content seems not to bother her.
Newbie rests to me on top of the laser printer I paid 20 bucks for a couple of months ago. And I'm just about to watch an episode or 2 of season 1 of "American Horror Story", an overwrought, overhyped, overrated tv show that has become so tiresome for me to watch that it is a major chore to get through the final 3 episodes. It started off strongly, but has got worse with every episode. Ugh.
What are you doing this fine Saturday night? And, what are you wearing, anyway? I'm just wondering what all 4.7 of you like to wear when you read these silly little blog posts.
See you tomorrow.
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