Monday, May 26, 2014

Post 2674 - Kitchen Stuff


I have worked in an office environment for nearly my entire adult life. This means that I have always had kitchen privileges at my work places. Bathrooms, as well.

I want to talk about workplace kitchens. I want to know if the things I will reveal in this post apply to your own work kitchen, or if I have just had bad luck over the years. Be honest with me because I will know if you are lying.

I get the feeling that microwave oven manufacturers deliberately supply the lowest quality devices to workplace kitchens. In my many years of work, I have never encountered a good quality one. I have experienced microwaves that required a master's degree in mechanical engineering just to operate. Once you did get them working, they warmed up my food so slowly that I usually gave up and ate it half cold.

How do microwaves work again? As I recall from my high school physics, it has something to do with the excitation of electrons. The electrons in the microwave ovens at my work don't seem to be very excited. They just yawn and stretch and come to life like in that Dolly Parton song. Maybe they should have their morning coffee first.

(Why do microwave ovens have clocks, anyway? Is it too remind you that you are pissing away your lunch hour staring at them, waiting for your food to heat up? That's my theory.)

Refrigerators are another problem. I get the feeling that they are purchased from some dude on the side of the road who gave up on getting his to function properly, so my work place took advantage of a cheap sale and lugged it here. This was done in the vain hope that we wouldn't notice that it keeps food in the fridge, frozen; and food in the freezer can melt away. People should just reverse where they put their food.

Paper towel is a very important commodity in any work place kitchen. We use it to cover food in microwaves because those plastic plate covers we take for granted at home, are seemingly illegal outside of it. But have you ever noticed that the paper towel dispensers are located in the most difficult-to-reach part of the kitchen? Usually over the head of someone standing by it, who needs to be there. It means you end up fondling their hair in order to get at the paper towel. Is that sexual harassment?

Have you ever noticed that if there is any dish detergent in a work place kitchen at all, it is watered down because nobody bothers to replace the bottle when it runs out? Why can't it be somebody's job to replace dish detergent in workplace kitchens, in the same way that it is the job of some people to water plants? A company could be created whose function is to replenish fundamental supplies in workplace kitchens in any given city. This company would do very well and be in high demand.

Kitchen tables? If they exist, they have at least one short leg, so good luck if you are eating any liquids. And the chairs were manufactured by the spawn of Satan, so it is impossible to sit comfortably in one.

I guess that's about it. I feel so much better now.

What are you workplace kitchen pet peeves? You know how to contact me. Reply to this post, or to the FB post, or reply to my tweet. I can't wait to hear from you.

Have a good one. Remember: tomorrow I will tell you about my Live 105 Live Hive experience!!


No comments: