This is my first Mother's Day without my mother.
She died almost exactly 4 months ago. It was a tough Winter. Still, every night around 8:30, I have to stifle the reflex not to call her to see how she is doing. I have to remind myself that I saw her lowered into her grave on January 25th. When I go to the family home in the Valley, I know that there will never again be someone there to greet me.
I miss my mother a great deal. I can't help but think that she got screwed out of a few last decent years by catching the flu this Winter and dying from it. I wish she had lived for a while yet, so that she could have enjoyed more time at the retirement facility, so that she could have read the sequel to "The Little Old Lady Who Broke All The Rules", and so that she could have gone through the bags and bags of magazines that I have been stockpiling to take over to the retirement home for the clients to read through. Minus the back issues of Rolling Stone. I am not sure if they would want to read that.
It was a tough day for me. I am glad it is nearly over.
See you tomorrow.