Two days to Deep Roots! So excited.
So, during my lunch hour, my bodyguards and I took my Frank Magazine pay cheque to the bank. I wanted to go by myself, but the sheer size of the cheque convinced them I should not go by myself. The money is resting comfortably in my bank account. I know you were worried.
I haven't mentioned it because it comes and goes, but my left hand is pretty sore tonight. When I move it in a certain way, a certain set of poses, it pains me quite badly. I hope it isn't a carpel tunnel thing. Last thing I need. I am left-handed and therefore use that hand a great deal. No jokes, please. I am sensitive.
You know, that last sentence brings up some unpleasant memories. Until my hand starts aching too much, I will discuss them here. More than a few times in my life, I have been accused of being sensitive to things like criticism. I guess I am guilty. If someone treats me like crap, yells at me, belittles me, berates me, I get upset. I tend not to get that angry, though. I internalize the feeling, which I gather is not good for one's mental health, or even for one's stress level or self esteem. But I have seen too often what happens to people who try to defend themselves against these attacks. They are labeled as trouble makers, or they have a bad attitude, or they are defensive. Or they are "sensitive".
Drives me crazy. Name me one person, other than a masochist, who enjoys being yelled at, or treated poorly. Tell me about the human being who welcomes a barrage of verbal abuse. Who's the dude who wants that kind of treatment? So, why, then, pray tell, is it wrong to label someone like me as sensitive, like it's a bad thing? It just means I don't like it when someone frigging yells at me or tries to put me "in my place".
By the way, I make the full distinction between some boss shrieking at me because it makes him feel like a real man, and what we call constructive criticism. "Bev, you need to learn to do this task better. Here's how", is an example of constructive criticism. I welcome that. "Bev, you really frigged up this task. What's the matter with you? Are you stupid?", is not helpful other than to make the speaker feel superior to me, and to make me want to end things.
That is what gets me upset: Some joker who thinks he is better than I am because his station in life relative to mine is arbitrarily better, and who won't let me forget about it.
Yes. I am sensitive. Big deal. I am proud of it. You should be sensitive, too. Everyone should be. It is one more thing that separates us from the bastards who want to tear away every last shred of our dignity and self-respect.
See you tomorrow.
PS Did I mention that Deep Roots starts in two days?