I sure have been thinking about trust a lot. Not just lately. My whole life.
You see, I was bullied in junior high school. Every day in grade seven, eight, and nine, I was bullied, beaten, abused, ignored, mistreated in many different ways. You can understand, therefore, why it has been difficult for me to trust anybody at any time.
Over the years, I have managed to build a small measure of peace with what I went through, more than 40 years ago. But, even now, when I go down to the Valley, there are places I don't want to go, there are people I don't want to see, there are names I don't want to hear.
And there are more than a few people I do not trust.
I mean, I can forgive the Facebook "friend" who borrowed some comics from me when I was 14 or so, and brought in some old, ratty ones for me to read, and then denied that he still had my comics. It was his word against mine, and that was it. I was angry and hurt and betrayed, and I never trusted that lying so and so ever again. He is on my Facebook because I want to know what he is up to, so I can be doing something else, somewhere else. I want nothing to do with the little turd. I can forgive that liar, but I will never trust him, ever again.
I don't know why it is, but when I do manage to trust a person, that trust is broken, and I feel like a fool. Last year, the man I hired to mow the lawn at the Valley, and do general landscaping work, was fronted $100 to rent a u-haul truck for me to move the crap out of the house and to here. This was not done the first time. I had to remind him a second time, and he did it then, but by then I had secured a truck locally, and he refused to help us load the truck. And I never got my hundred bucks back. I called him a few months later, and got his voice mail and never heard back. Infuriating, but once again, it is his word against mine and I was a fool to trust him.
Trust is a funny thing with me. It takes forever for me to trust a person and an instant for the bond to be broken forever, with no hope of getting it back again.
I don't know if I am naive, or whether I just default to believing that most people are inherently good and will do the right thing, and that I am a fool to do so.
These are but two examples, but there are many more in my longish life.
How about you? Are you a trusting person? Has that trust been shattered enough that you wish you were not a trusting person? Should I try to get my hundred dollars back again or write it off?
In other news, I got a bluetooth speaker today. I was pricing them here and there and saw one for four dollars at Dollarama in Tantallon, so I got it. Charged it tonight, and paired it with my phone. Works great. Also got a databank for the same price. Jury is out on that.
And I sent off an article to my editor. Will produce two more in the coming days.
It is nearly 1:30 on Good Friday. I think I will turn in.
See you tomorrow.