Thursday, April 1, 2021

Post 3978 - What's Wrong With Me?

I sure have been thinking about trust a lot. Not just lately. My whole life.

You see, I was bullied in junior high school. Every day in grade seven, eight, and nine, I was bullied, beaten, abused, ignored, mistreated in many different ways. You can understand, therefore, why it has been difficult for me to trust anybody at any time. 

Over the years, I have managed to build a small measure of peace with what I went through, more than 40 years ago.  But, even now, when I go down to the Valley, there are places I don't want to go, there are people I don't want to see, there are names I don't want to hear.

And there are more than a few people I do not trust.

I mean, I can forgive the Facebook "friend" who borrowed some comics from me when I was 14 or so, and brought in some old, ratty ones for me to read, and then denied that he still had my comics. It was his word against mine, and that was it. I was angry and hurt and betrayed, and I never trusted that lying so and so ever again. He is on my Facebook because I want to know what he is up to, so I can be doing something else, somewhere else. I want nothing to do with the little turd. I can forgive that liar, but I will never trust him, ever again.

I don't know why it is, but when I do manage to trust a person, that trust is broken, and I feel like a fool. Last year, the man I hired to mow the lawn at the Valley, and do general landscaping work, was fronted $100 to rent a u-haul truck for me to move the crap out of the house and to here. This was not done the first time. I had to remind him a second time, and he did it then, but by then I had secured a truck locally, and he refused to help us load the truck. And I never got my hundred bucks back. I called him a few months later, and got his voice mail and never heard back. Infuriating, but once again, it is his word against mine and I was a fool to trust him. 

Trust is a funny thing with me. It takes forever for me to trust a person and an instant for the bond to be broken forever, with no hope of getting it back again. 

I don't know if I am naive, or whether I just default to believing that most people are inherently good and will do the right thing, and that I am a fool to do so. 

These are but two examples, but there are many more in my longish life. 

How about you? Are you a trusting person? Has that trust been shattered enough that you wish you were not a trusting person? Should I try to get my hundred dollars back again or write it off? 

In other news, I got a bluetooth speaker today. I was pricing them here and there and saw one for four dollars at Dollarama in Tantallon, so I got it. Charged it tonight, and paired it with my phone. Works great. Also got a databank for the same price. Jury is out on that.

And I sent off an article to my editor. Will produce two more in the coming days.

It is nearly 1:30 on Good Friday. I think I will turn in.

See you tomorrow.



Anonymous said...

I was always too trusting, and thus an easy mark for those people I knew or worked with who had the knack of selling a story without giving away that it was all a joke, and then springing that on me at the end. That happened numerous times and I always hated that type of humor as it was at the expense of the recipient (i.e. me). But there were a few people who seemed very good at it and I almost always fell for it. Not enjoyable. As for money matters, I think that always happens depending on who you are dealing with and there is little you can do about that other than being very cautious. Some are just always looking to take advantage of others. You see it in spades on FB these days where there are people pushing absolute rubbish in hopes of taking advantage of an unsuspecting buyer.

Anonymous said...

I was picked on for the majority of my pre-adult life. I pushed back a few times thinking it would stop but had no luck. My so-called friends would choose the aggressor’s side to avoid the same fate as me. I could fault them as likely would have done the same. After high school I went on to university while the morons who tried to beat me down went in other directions. I gained a little revenge in how my life turned out compared to some of my aggressors. I earned an education, landed a great job, was blessed with a terrific life partner and 2 great - well most times - kids and saw a lot of the world. Finally, as I put my feet up to enjoy a holiday Friday, I smile as all days are now holidays for me as I have retired and live comfortably not yet hitting 55! I think I can confidently say to those who tried their best to kill my spirit that.... I won! As I read your blog, I believe you can say the same!

As for the $100, as my grandmother once told me when an older boy robbed me of my lunch money..... my dear boy clearly he needed it more than you did!

Please carry on with your blog, I enjoy reading it.

Bevboy said...

Thank you to both of you for writing your comments. Makes me feel great. Well, still tired, but not your fault.
All my best, as always.